You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
