i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
