apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
