STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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