it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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