Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He kissed a someone with a penis
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
