considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
