the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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