my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
