the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
