Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
