the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
