Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
