hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
a search helicopter?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
