so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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