Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
