Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
