3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
