I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
