Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize