I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sex in a hospital.. check
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
