I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
