but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
