There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
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I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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