I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
