this boner is exhausting
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
