bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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