no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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