It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
