I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
