He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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