I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
