Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone came in the potted fern
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
