he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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