Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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