three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
