Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
