epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
