Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
