He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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