every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
