You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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