So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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