You smell like a Billy Joel song
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
