You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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