feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want nice things and good sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
