pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
