he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
