Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want her autograph on my taint
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
