Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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