i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
