I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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