Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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