His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
