I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
