So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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