Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
