does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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