we're blogging at a bar
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
