Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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