By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As shirtless as possible
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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