While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
