If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
