i jhust puked up my retainher.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
