Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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