my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
