hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
