Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
