my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
