i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
