just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's just like the Real World with babies
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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