just come out here and I will go home with you...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
