I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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