u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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