he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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