Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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