Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
