So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
